Remember back before kids when you used to say things like “I will NEVER say _____ to my kids!”? And you would say it with such conviction; so sure that you would always have control over what your children did and what came out of your mouth.
And then you actually had kids and all of that went out of the window, right? Your kids run around like crazy people and sometimes you let them. You get so frustrated/tired/overwhelmed/busy that you say things you swore you’d never say…or things that you never even thought would ever come out of your mouth.
Here are some of my favorites…these are ones that I have said on more than one occasion – things I would never thought I’d ever say before I had kids.
Put on underwear if you want to eat dinner.
Do not wipe boogers on the couch.
Can I please go to the bathroom by myself?
I reached out to other moms via Facebook and asked: Tell me something that you never would have thought you would ever say until you had kids.
Here are their responses:
“Everybody has a butt.” In response to my child saying, “Girls have a bagina, boys have a butt.” Or how about “Don’t put your face in the cat’s butt.” Lots of talk about butts in this house… – Elizabeth Flora Ross, The Writer Revived
I have actually said the words, “get your penis off the table.” To my son, not my husband just to clarify. – Poppy Marler, Funny or Snot
Please stop slapping your vagina. – Leigh Ann Torres, Genie in a Blog
Don’t lick the cat. – Greta Funk, gfunkified
Please don’t put Lambie in the toilet. – Kristin Alexander, What She Said
Please don’t sniff your teacher’s butt. To my preschooler… who likes to sniff butts… – Jenny Chiu, Mommy Nani Booboo
Nooo, do not do that – to the the youngest as she put a handful of jellybeans in her mouth in a candy store. Then when she spat them into her hand and threw them back in the barrel … I followed it with OMGawd, run … to my oldest and we hightailed it out of the store. – Nicole Morgan, Sisters From Another Mister
If there’s pepperoni in that filthy hole, that means you didn’t eat it. Please don’t tell lies to get pudding. – Cameron Garriepy, Cameron D. Garriepy Author
“Get out of my booty!” “Don’t kiss my boobs!” And the newest one? “Baby you didn’t color down there with a marker. It’s that color naturally.” Correction. Its don’t eat my boobs. I also say don’t eat my arm closely followed by don’t eat my face. Obviously I’m preparing my child to blend in during the zombie apocalypse. – Sili Recio, My Mamihood
Berry blast toothpaste is NOT to be eaten like apple crushers. – Mandy Dawson, Mandyland
“No, she (her cousin) cannot sit on the bathroom floor and wait for you. Pooping is not a two person party, hurry up!” I had to turn away to giggle. In her defense, she’s 3 and likes company. – Yanira Garza, Manolos, Manicures & This Mom
There are so many more funny things that we say as moms! What do you say that you never thought you would say before you had kids?
After battling unexplained infertility for years, we finally had our first baby. It was a very easy pregnancy and our son Ethan was born in the summer of 2007.
I never thought that I would not love being a mom. Or that I would not know how to be a mom; that it was going to be harder than I thought. After doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted for so long, it was hard to just give up my life to take care of such a demanding little person.
Ethan didn’t care if I was tired or if I needed to eat. He didn’t care if I wanted an hour to myself to read or wanted to watch something on TV. He cried a lot. He slept poorly. I was breastfeeding, and so we were always together. My organized life fell apart. This mommy thing was not what I thought it would be, even though I knew that it really was. Ethan was doing what babies do….he was being a baby.
And in the middle of the night, I started thinking that maybe I really didn’t want to be a mom. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for it. I wasn’t feeling this connection with my baby that everybody always talked about. I was scared that I didn’t feel like I thought a mom should. But I didn’t tell anybody else. I put on a smile and tried to pretend that this was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I remember one afternoon my husband Jason went to watch his nephew’s baseball game. I was sitting on the couch holding Ethan, who must have been about two months old, and I was trying to sing “You Are My Sunshine” to him. But I couldn’t; I just kept crying and crying.
It was then that I finally realized that something wrong. That feeling so sad and dejected about being a mom wasn’t the way I should be feeling. That I needed to tell Jason how I was feeling. I knew it was wrong to feel the way I was feeling, but I had been too embarrassed to admit those horrible feelings to him. I didn’t want him to think that I didn’t love our son.
Jason came home that day and found me crying. I finally told him how sad I was. How I didn’t even like being a mom. How I didn’t want to do anything but sit on the couch. I didn’t want visitors. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I didn’t want to eat. That I just wanted to sleep. A lot. He asked me to call my doctor because he remembered from our classes we took before I had the baby that it was common for some women to experience post partum depression.
When I finally got to see my doctor a few days later, I cried the entire time I explained my feelings to him. He smiled, and patted me on the knee…and told me what I was experiencing was NORMAL. That a lot of women feel the same way. That he could help me. And he did.
I had post partum depression, and medicine fixed it. Luckily, a small dose was all I needed, and a month later I was like a new woman. I couldn’t turn these feelings off on my own, and I was glad to have reached out and gotten help for it.
When all of those horrible, sad and angry feelings went away, I talked to my friends and family about it and was surprised by how many of them experienced it, too. I had nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. What I couldn’t understand was why nobody talked about before I mentioned it. Nobody said “Hey you know, just in case you start feeling this way…” Why was everybody so hush-hush about it?
So I want to tell you here and now, if you are having feelings I described, or any of these symptoms of post partum depression, please talk to your doctor. Your doctor can help you feel “normal” again. Because remember, what you are feeling is normal for some new moms.
Did you ever experience the baby blues or post partum depression?
Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony, this life
– Lyrics by The Verve
I have recently realized that those words describe parenting perfectly…everything about parenting is bittersweet. It’s a beautiful, bittersweet symphony.
After 6 years of battling unexplained infertility, Jason and I finally tried in-vitro fertilization and welcomed Ethan into our lives. We were both ecstatic and couldn’t wait to hold him in our arms. But what should have been the happiest time of my life ended up being one of the saddest. I remember sitting and holding him, singing “You Are My Sunshine” and crying uncontrollably. After wanting something for so long I felt overwhelmed and I experiencing major culture shock.
Don’t get me wrong; I knew our lives would change but I really had no idea how much they would! The endless crying, lack of sleep, and being at this little person’s beck-and-call 24/7 was not what I thought it was going to be. I thought it would be easy and come naturally to me. It didn’t.
It was almost a year before I realized that I had postpartum depression and began taking anti-depressants. Luckily, my world once again changed for the better. I began enjoying motherhood and realized that Ethan was doing what he was supposed to be doing – he was being a baby! This is what I signed up for – what I had wanted so long – and I finally settled into motherhood. I just wished there were more moms out there willing to talk about how hard it is and how it’s not as easy (or fun) as it looks.
So when the twins were born a couple of years later (via intrauterine insemination), I was ready for the hard work and the payoff that I knew would come after getting used to now having three little ones.
We went through the sleepless nights, and more quickly than with Ethan, said goodbye to them.
We said goodbye bottles, hello sippy cups after a year.
The diaper bag went away after they turned two, and just recently we said au revoir to diapers for good.
And that’s when it hit me: that it’s all a bittersweet symphony. My babies are no longer babies. Any trace of baby, except for pictures and memories, is gone from our home. They will never need a pacifier or bottle or diaper again. My babies are little people.
Soon the day will come when they prefer to hang out with their friends over me. They won’t want to be with me every waking minute of the day. I’m seeing their independence, and their personalities continue to shine through more every day.
This is what I’ve been waiting for – for them all to become more independent so that I don’t have to answer to “Mommy” 1,265,223 times a day. This is what I thought I’d been waiting for. Now that our lives and the kids are getting easier to deal with, I’m already sad about how quickly those baby years went. And I’m dreading the fact that I already know how fast these preschool years will go and that before I know it, they’ll all be graduating from high school and living their own lives.
It is all really bittersweet, and I’m not sure I like it.