Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on April 2, 2010 at 6:01pm

The main thing I find myself judging people on is when I see a parent/caregiver publicly humiliating a child. We just returned from Disney World a few weeks ago and I was shocked at how many times I saw kids being berated, spanked, screamed at, etc. I know every parent has limits and no matter how much we love our children, we get worn out too. It has to be horribly embarrassing and demeaning to a child. As far as how people present themselves, I am open minded to the fact that people are all different. I'd be lying if I said I didn't do a double take when I have seen extremes in how people dress, but ultimately, I try to remind myself that everyone I meet or pass is human, just like me, trying to find their place in the world. I met a guy once at Venice Beach who, to look at him, you'd think he was out of his mind. He had tattoos everywhere (facial, which to a girl from South Carolina is only something you see on T.V.) huge mohawk, dressed in head to toe leather in 85 degree weather. We ended up having a 2 hour conversation about everything under the sun and I walked away feeling like i'd known him for years. Funny how about 3 minutes into the conversation, his tattoos disappeared from my mind. It was a huge lesson to me that looks/how people dress are the least important thing about them. I am raising my kids to be open minded, accepting of all, regardless of race, sexual orientation, religion, etc. I hope they carry that with them every day of their life.

Permalink Reply by Kathy Cook on July 10, 2010 at 6:50am

I judge people all the time, every human being does. If people didn't judge each other there would be no laws against killing or raping or stealing. We would all have to sit there and say, Oh well, I guess he had his reasons. It's not wrong to make a judgment about someone, it's a normal human reaction. It can be what keeps us safe from predators (the human variety) or find us new friends. I guess my point is that judging others in and of itself is not what is the problem, it's what you do with those judgments. For example, if you see an overweight person walking towards you at a party, looking to make friends, a judgment (in you head) that the person is fat and therefore smelly and nothing like YOU and you don't want her around your kids in case they think they don't think they have to exercise anymore because SHE doesn't so why should they? Well, that judgment would be extreme and not helpful, and probably wrong. If you see the same person and think, "that person is fat" that's not really a judgment, it's an observation of fact (like the person taking offense to being called a single mother. Nobody is judging her, that's just what she is. If she's that concerned about a label, she could always get married.) If you see the overweight person and think, she's fat, she probably doesn't exercise. But I like her smile, I think I'll talk to her. You could still be wrong, of course, maybe she's losing 20 pounds per month, but you're not refusing to talk to her because of it. You're making the judgment that she smiles and therefore is a nice person. You could be wrong that she's nice- maybe she's smiling because she's going to throw her drink at you because you dated her husband last week and she judges THAT to be wrong behavior. Anyway, you get my point.

Permalink Reply by Carrie Lopez on July 14, 2010 at 8:34am

Good point! but there is a Judging we should be blind too. Judging a murder and rapist is far different then seeing beyond a persons apperance.
We should not look at a person and say oh my gosh she is fat or oh my gosh she is poor. It is not a label it is a put down from some. People use labels to make others feel lesser then what they areInstead of single mom. Why dont we look beyond that and see the courage and the strengthThe children are not set in stone to be a failure. That falls on the shoulders of the parent. Why do we think it is Ok to look at other beside being a person. It is not ok to see anyone as anything else but who they are inside. Only Then can we Judge if we like this person or not

Kathy Cook said:

I judge people all the time, every human being does. If people didn't judge each other there would be no laws against killing or raping or stealing. We would all have to sit there and say, Oh well, I guess he had his reasons. It's not wrong to make a judgment about someone, it's a normal human reaction. It can be what keeps us safe from predators (the human variety) or find us new friends. I guess my point is that judging others in and of itself is not what is the problem, it's what you do with those judgments. For example, if you see an overweight person walking towards you at a party, looking to make friends, a judgment (in you head) that the person is fat and therefore smelly and nothing like YOU and you don't want her around your kids in case they think they don't think they have to exercise anymore because SHE doesn't so why should they? Well, that judgment would be extreme and not helpful, and probably wrong. If you see the same person and think, "that person is fat" that's not really a judgment, it's an observation of fact (like the person taking offense to being called a single mother. Nobody is judging her, that's just what she is. If she's that concerned about a label, she could always get married.) If you see the overweight person and think, she's fat, she probably doesn't exercise. But I like her smile, I think I'll talk to her. You could still be wrong, of course, maybe she's losing 20 pounds per month, but you're not refusing to talk to her because of it. You're making the judgment that she smiles and therefore is a nice person. You could be wrong that she's nice- maybe she's smiling because she's going to throw her drink at you because you dated her husband last week and she judges THAT to be wrong behavior. Anyway, you get my point.

Permalink Reply by Carrie Lopez on July 14, 2010 at 8:36am

You Never know what someone else is going through until the day you walk in their shoes. Labels should be reserved for Rapist and murders not single moms, races, religions and such

Carrie Lopez said:

Good point! but there is a Judging we should be blind too. Judging a murder and rapist is far different then seeing beyond a persons apperance.
We should not look at a person and say oh my gosh she is fat or oh my gosh she is poor. It is not a label it is a put down from some. People use labels to make others feel lesser then what they areInstead of single mom. Why dont we look beyond that and see the courage and the strengthThe children are not set in stone to be a failure. That falls on the shoulders of the parent. Why do we think it is Ok to look at other beside being a person. It is not ok to see anyone as anything else but who they are inside. Only Then can we Judge if we like this person or not

Kathy Cook said:

I judge people all the time, every human being does. If people didn't judge each other there would be no laws against killing or raping or stealing. We would all have to sit there and say, Oh well, I guess he had his reasons. It's not wrong to make a judgment about someone, it's a normal human reaction. It can be what keeps us safe from predators (the human variety) or find us new friends. I guess my point is that judging others in and of itself is not what is the problem, it's what you do with those judgments. For example, if you see an overweight person walking towards you at a party, looking to make friends, a judgment (in you head) that the person is fat and therefore smelly and nothing like YOU and you don't want her around your kids in case they think they don't think they have to exercise anymore because SHE doesn't so why should they? Well, that judgment would be extreme and not helpful, and probably wrong. If you see the same person and think, "that person is fat" that's not really a judgment, it's an observation of fact (like the person taking offense to being called a single mother. Nobody is judging her, that's just what she is. If she's that concerned about a label, she could always get married.) If you see the overweight person and think, she's fat, she probably doesn't exercise. But I like her smile, I think I'll talk to her. You could still be wrong, of course, maybe she's losing 20 pounds per month, but you're not refusing to talk to her because of it. You're making the judgment that she smiles and therefore is a nice person. You could be wrong that she's nice- maybe she's smiling because she's going to throw her drink at you because you dated her husband last week and she judges THAT to be wrong behavior. Anyway, you get my point.

Permalink Reply by Sherill Pierce on September 2, 2010 at 4:58pm

Okay I am coming into this conversation about 7 months too late, but had to put my two cents in. Honestly I didn't realize there was a "label" on single moms/dads/parents. I guess that is naive of me, but I try to look more on the positive side of things. What I see is a strong independent person who is working hard to raise their child/children.

I try not to judge others, as I have been judged most of my life, stupid really. I try to give people the benefit of a doubt. Not everyone is the same height, weight, color, race nor do we all have the same exact interests, religions, and beliefs. I see a guy with a piercing that I would not think to put one and think, "wow that's gotta hurt. I wouldn't put one there". Hey, to each their own, right?

I figure I treat others with as much respect as I want shown to me, so I try to be nice to all. Judging them isn't going to get me anywhere, but wishing them a good day will.

On a side note, I have met some very interesting homeless people. Would that be a label, being homeless? Most want nothing more than to be left alone.

Permalink Reply by Carrie Lopez on September 4, 2010 at 12:39am

Sherill Pierce said:

Okay I am coming into this conversation about 7 months too late, but had to put my two cents in. Honestly I didn't realize there was a "label" on single moms/dads/parents. I guess that is naive of me, but I try to look more on the positive side of things. What I see is a strong independent person who is working hard to raise their child/children.

I try not to judge others, as I have been judged most of my life, stupid really. I try to give people the benefit of a doubt. Not everyone is the same height, weight, color, race nor do we all have the same exact interests, religions, and beliefs. I see a guy with a piercing that I would not think to put one and think, "wow that's gotta hurt. I wouldn't put one there". Hey, to each their own, right?

I figure I treat others with as much respect as I want shown to me, so I try to be nice to all. Judging them isn't going to get me anywhere, but wishing them a good day will.

On a side note, I have met some very interesting homeless people. Would that be a label, being homeless? Most want nothing more than to be left alone.

Very touchy subject and every one is guilty of judging . But I do to try not to Judge others. I have had my fair share of failures and problems but hey so does the Richest person in the world. One thing if you have one thing in your life there is always bad things in life.

Permalink Reply by Sherill Pierce on September 4, 2010 at 11:27am

So true, so true. From those bad things one learns lessons. Hopefully. ^_^

Carrie Lopez said:

Sherill Pierce said:

Okay I am coming into this conversation about 7 months too late, but had to put my two cents in. Honestly I didn't realize there was a "label" on single moms/dads/parents. I guess that is naive of me, but I try to look more on the positive side of things. What I see is a strong independent person who is working hard to raise their child/children.

I try not to judge others, as I have been judged most of my life, stupid really. I try to give people the benefit of a doubt. Not everyone is the same height, weight, color, race nor do we all have the same exact interests, religions, and beliefs. I see a guy with a piercing that I would not think to put one and think, "wow that's gotta hurt. I wouldn't put one there". Hey, to each their own, right?

I figure I treat others with as much respect as I want shown to me, so I try to be nice to all. Judging them isn't going to get me anywhere, but wishing them a good day will.

On a side note, I have met some very interesting homeless people. Would that be a label, being homeless? Most want nothing more than to be left alone.

Very touchy subject and every one is guilty of judging . But I do to try not to Judge others. I have had my fair share of failures and problems but hey so does the Richest person in the world. One thing if you have one thing in your life there is always bad things in life.

Permalink Reply by CJ on April 7, 2011 at 8:27pm

On one hand, those labels are so unnecessary.  We are all part of one world that is beautiful because of our differences.  Yet we celebrate our similarities and our differences tear us apart.

 

I am a gay mother.  My daughter has Down syndrome.  My partner is occasionally mistaken for a male.  I am divorced.  I have joint custody of two of my kids.  I have a failed adoption under my belt.  

 

These "labels" are part of who I am, but you can't SEE them by looking at me.

 

I try my best not to be judgmental, but every now and then I have to remind myself to look through my eyes in the same manner I want others to look at ME through THEIR eyes.

Permalink Reply by Amie Trevillian on November 29, 2011 at 5:21am

I fully admit that I tend to judge other parents.. however I'm completely prepared to be judged myself because I've always been judged. (16yr old having a baby) I've always been judged but once it was realized that no matter how much I'm judged, I'm still great at being a mom and def not going to change what I do with my kids.. I'm now 33 and I will tend to step back and watch other parents.. to see how they react to their kids throwing fits.. hitting ect. I have a hard time watching a parent that will allow a child to punch or hit them, spit or throw things at the parents.. that is the hardest for me. However, shoes on their feet or not, they are still human and still at least deserve decency, respect & consideration. Lack of or Higher ranking in social standing does not automatically make one a better parents than the other. To each their own in raising kids and taking care of their family. I simply say this... Just because it's not for me.. does not mean it doesn't work for someone else. 

    When my children push me to my limit, I simply repeat one thing every single time.. 

    Do NOT make a Permanent decision because you are Temporarily upset! 

 

My daughter laughs at me when I say this, but it works..  other words.. Action vs Consequence :)

Permalink Reply by Amie Trevillian on November 29, 2011 at 5:23am

What's important is you are a LOVING mother.. straight, gay, or black , white.. we're all the same when it comes to our children (I'd like to think) We are who we are because of our past and will become who we will be when we pass on because of our future :)

CJ said:

On one hand, those labels are so unnecessary.  We are all part of one world that is beautiful because of our differences.  Yet we celebrate our similarities and our differences tear us apart.

 

I am a gay mother.  My daughter has Down syndrome.  My partner is occasionally mistaken for a male.  I am divorced.  I have joint custody of two of my kids.  I have a failed adoption under my belt.  

 

These "labels" are part of who I am, but you can't SEE them by looking at me.

 

I try my best not to be judgmental, but every now and then I have to remind myself to look through my eyes in the same manner I want others to look at ME through THEIR eyes.